she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
