There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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