My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I think your dad took our porno
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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