Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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