I cannot find my penis.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
don't judge my taste in strippers
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
