Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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