my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
