Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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