and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
