We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
