I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Randomize
