Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
