I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
