I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
FUCK WHALES
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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