im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
