if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
