so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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