you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Are we still banned from the library?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
