Umm I'm too high to move.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
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he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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