She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
