All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
They took my balls.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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