return my video game
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
