Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
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