she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?