I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
