Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.