Texts From Last Night

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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.

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  (412): He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower. http://tfl.nu/q9b8
  Replies (26) Good night (1132) Bad night (5888)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?

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  (859): he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in? http://tfl.nu/0531
  Replies (52) Good night (1235) Bad night (6852)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water

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  (203): Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water http://tfl.nu/s84f
  Replies (24) Good night (6900) Bad night (1028)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.

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  (586): he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great. http://tfl.nu/bqct
  Replies (12) Good night (1524) Bad night (3427)
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  (901): View more from Tennessee

  She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.

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  (901): She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas. http://tfl.nu/43pp
  Replies (2) Good night (1334) Bad night (893)
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  (518): View more from New York

  HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.

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  (518): HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR. http://tfl.nu/dsxu
  Replies (12) Good night (2018) Bad night (841)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.

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  (+44): Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill. http://tfl.nu/mubs
  Replies (6) Good night (977) Bad night (656)
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  (315): View more from New York

  im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.

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  (315): im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass. http://tfl.nu/ll9k
  Replies (4) Good night (595) Bad night (926)
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  (913): View more from Kansas

  driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup

  (868): View more from Trinidad and Tobago-Carib

  So no more sangria road trips?

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  (913): driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup (868): So no more sangria road trips? http://tfl.nu/l0ze
  Replies (1) Good night (479) Bad night (895)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful

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  (970): The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful http://tfl.nu/mqfz
  Replies (7) Good night (775) Bad night (402)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book

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  (954): Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book http://tfl.nu/wp44
  Replies (1) Good night (617) Bad night (246)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.

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  (360): Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student. http://tfl.nu/vc6z
  Replies (1) Good night (692) Bad night (253)
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  (843): View more from South Carolina

  As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.

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  (843): As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed. http://tfl.nu/2ht0
  Replies (0) Good night (627) Bad night (334)
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  (478): View more from Georgia

  But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.

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  (478): But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me. http://tfl.nu/3lii
  Replies (2) Good night (654) Bad night (241)
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  (908): View more from New Jersey

  you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!

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  (908): you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?! http://tfl.nu/kjl1
  Replies (2) Good night (838) Bad night (277)

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