sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
