so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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