Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
