i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
