They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize
