I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
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