Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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