he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I got her a Nickelback box set.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
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