Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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