no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
