I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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