Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
