some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The air taste purple.
Randomize
