Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
