I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
