I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
