What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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