her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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