whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
