maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
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