I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
