i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
