remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
