Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Randomize
