This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
