wake up i wanna do it froggy style
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Randomize
