Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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