I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
