Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
