im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
