you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
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