Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
