Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
