So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
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