R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Girls should come with a carfax report
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
