He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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