last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
