You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
