Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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