after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
