when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
