tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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