I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
