he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
