I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
We got so high we made milksteak
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
