So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
