She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
You ruined the universe
Randomize
