Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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