It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
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I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
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It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
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