I want to have your abortion
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
