She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
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