Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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